May 02, 2007
America's Defeatist Politicians
By: Rachel Marsden
NEW YORK -- President George W. Bush asked Congress to approve funding for the U.S. troops in Iraq to be able to do their job. But before he could get through the cafeteria checkout, the Democrats insisted their heaping side order of surrender hitch a ride on his tray.
Democrats insisting that troop funding be accompanied by a U.S. surrender date for the Iraqi front in the war on Islamofascism is the political equivalent of, "Do you want fries with that? No? Well, screw you, you're getting some anyway."
Thankfully, Bush is still the president and can use his veto powers to send back the full meal deal. The problem is it's the troops who will end up starved.
General David Petraeus, for whom the Democrats actually voted to oversee the war in Iraq, said this week that Iraq will need "an enormous commitment over time," echoing what George Bush said in his 2002 State of the Union address: "Our war on terror is well begun, but it is only begun. This campaign may not be finished on our watch -- yet it must be and it will be waged on our watch."
Since it may be too much to expect people nowadays to recall what the President said five years ago when they strain to remember the name of last season's American Idol winner, here's a more recent version.
You dream it. We have it.
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April 10, 2007
Iran’s Wild President Cruisin’ For A Bruisin’
By: Rachel Marsden
NEW YORK — Now that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has released 15 British hostages, it’s time to take stock of what it all really means.
Is this Mahmoud guy auditioning for Rosie O’Donnell’s spot on The View? He has the Bush-bashing down, and is obviously good for TV ratings. As an added bonus, he could hang with Barbara Walters, like fellow world class nutcases, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and Cuban leader Fidel Castro, have been fond of doing.
Like Rosie, Mahmoud seems to have contempt for facts. According to the BBC, Iran said the hostages were found in Iranian waters, but when the UK pointed out that Iran’s coordinates represent a location in Iraqi territory, Iran “corrected” the location to a place on Iranian turf. Mahmoud obviously has the same loose screw as people who still think Al Gore won the presidential election in 2000.
Mahmoud says that releasing the hostages was a “gift to Britain.” Sort of like if someone steals my car, then returns it a couple of weeks later, along with a Hallmark card.
My colleagues who cover the Mideast say Mahmoud is wildly unpopular in his country. So who’s going to do something about it? Apparently, no one over there. Ronald Reagan already tried helping Iranian moderates after another set of hostage crises 30 years ago.
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March 28, 2007
More Gore-Bull From The Goracle
By: Rachel Marsden
NEW YORK — Former U.S. Vice-President Al “The Goracle” Gore crash landed in Washington, DC, last week and spewed more hot air on the Gore-bull warming issue at a congressional hearing.
The Goracle said “the planet has a fever.” He continued: “If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don’t say, ‘Well, I read a science fiction novel that told me it’s not a problem.’ If the crib’s on fire, you don’t speculate that the baby is flame retardant. You take action.” He said all of this with a straight face — albeit barely.
So, ramped up rhetoric is what passes for a solid argument at an environmental hearing on Capitol Hill? If so, here’s my submission, for the purposes of a Gore cross-examination: “Al Gore could really pollute a bathroom. I’m talking some really serious damage. Just look at the guy. If someone doesn’t take away his pork ’n’ beans, he’s bound to get another one of these ‘gut feelings’ and mistake his own greenhouse gas production for science.”
Gore still hasn’t explained how squeezing countries like the U.S. and Canada through the Kyoto accord is going to reduce the planet’s “fever,” when China is going to do whatever it wants anyway.
The UK’s Daily Mail reports China is breeding Siberian tigers for the sole purpose of turning them into wine. According to the article, they think “the tiger’s strength passes into the wine as its body decomposes.”
You dream it. We have it.
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February 20, 2007
My Own Inconvenient Truth
By: Rachel Marsden
NEW YORK -- Since I slipped and fell four times this week in Times Square on my way to work, it's time to weigh in on the glo-bull warming debate. Because when I'm inconvenienced by the weather, there's something wrong with the planet.
It's no wonder the political left is all over the global warming phenomenon, as it falls into line with the rest of their causes that require no logical argument, only a bumper sticker, protest sign, or T-shirt. No matter what the weather happens to be doing -- whether its snowing or scorching hot -- these people will simply point to the nearest window and mumble, "Yeah man, global warming."
The last time I argued like that, I was five years old and in front of a menu board at McDonalds, jumping up and down with my little finger pointed at the picture of a Quarter Pounder.
I can see why the issue would be appealing, though, as it beats fighting that never ending "War on Poverty" which involves going outside and counting all the homeless people. Pointing is even easier.
Watching liberals play scientist is like observing a chimp while it attempts to operate an Easy-Bake oven. It's entertaining, but rather harmless.
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February 13, 2007
In Politics, Boring Is A Crime
By: Rachel Marsden
When Rudy Giuliani began his 2008 presidential campaign this week, creating front-page news across the country, it reaffirmed one of the biggest unspoken truths in politics.
Many conservatives are scratching their heads, wondering how a guy who is pro-gun control, pro-choice, has appeared publicly in drag for kicks and giggles, and lived with gay roommates after his very public divorce, could ever possibly have any chance to beat a good ol’ conservative straight-arrow like former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney for the 2008 Republican presidential nomination.
Easy. In politics, if being boring is the biggest crime you can commit, then Romney should be on Death Row.
The most interesting and colourful candidate usually wins. “Ideas” are secondary. If you don’t believe me, consider the following matchups:
George H. W. Bush vs. Bill Clinton: Clinton didn’t win because of the “issues.” He won because women found him “hot.” He’s Ronald McDonald with a southern drawl, and the nation was mesmerized by his Big Mac.
Pierre Trudeau vs. Robert Stanfield: Poor Bob didn’t stand a chance. Trudeau did ballet behind the Queen of England’s back! He swore! He flips people off! His wife partied with the Rolling Stones! Policies? Whatever. Apparently, military might is unnecessary when your country is run by a “badass.”
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January 08, 2007
Leftover Myths About Saddam
By: Rachel Marsden
When Saddam Hussein finally went to the gallows this week, you'd think the Iraqis had just killed grandpa. (Have you seen the execution video on YouTube? ) Here are some statements I've heard from the political left over the past few days -- along with my response:
Iraq was so much better off under Saddam.
Yeah, and the buses and trains ran right on time under Hitler and Mussolini.
And as liberals keep reminding us, Cuba has a fabulous health care system under Fidel Castro.
Saddam Hussein was responsible for massive human rights violations, but that can't justify giving him the death penalty, which is a cruel and inhuman punishment.
This gem comes to us courtesy of the folks at Human Rights Watch. Look, when the accused kills, rapes and tortures hundreds of thousands of people and then brags about it, I say let's get the piece of trash squared away. Liberals seem to have trouble parting with garbage. The next time you're in the lunch room at work, watch how your liberal friends take great pains to carefully clean and sort every precious piece of rancid trash so it can be salvaged through "recycling".
Liberals would prefer to just rinse Saddam off and toss him in the blue box.
If Saddam is executed for killing people, then George W. Bush should be executed too, for killing people through war.
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December 10, 2006
Sure ... Let Terrorists Establish Peace
By: Rachel Marsden
NEW YORK — I’m not sure why I thought this week’s bipartisan Iraq Study Group report might actually offer some constructive suggestions about speeding up the stabilization of Iraq.
The term “study group” evokes the image of a bunch of guys sitting around at the University of Starbucks between late night pizza binges, jockeying to out-nuance each other and serving up various pie-in-the-sky theories.
After months of “studying,” their message is basically this: We really have no great new ideas or suggestions for Iraq, except to put more power into the hands of some Islamic nutcases.
Whoops, sounds like someone crammed.
While not advocating for an immediate exit, the panel wants American combat troops out of the country by 2008. Now that they have a better idea of when the infidels will be clearing out, I’m sure the jihadists in Iraq will be grateful for the heads-up so they’ll be able to plan a little time with the relatives in Europe, or maybe apply for one of those student-terrorist diversity placements at Yale. One of the study group’s members commented the “U.S. isn’t winning or losing in Iraq,” thereby demonstrating a breathtaking level of nuance that could only emanate from the over inflated windbag of a true academic — or from an orifice belonging to Sen. John Kerry.
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August 03, 2006
What's So Fabulous About Outgames?
By: Rachel Marsden
This week, the first "World Outgames" are being held in Montreal -- not to be confused with the "Gay Games," which have been around since 1982, and which are also purported to be the "gay Olympics."
The qualification standards for the Outgames can be summarized in one word: Gay. Or, if you prefer, "fabulous" -- which is why there are nearly 400 fabulous swimmers competing in the 100-metre freestyle event alone. Disneyland rides have tougher admission standards.
I have nothing against gay people, but this event raises a lot of questions. For instance, the Outgames website warns that an athlete can be drug-tested at any time, but everyone gets a medal. Wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose of the drugs?
The games consist of various Olympic sports, along with an event called the "Out-Splash!" -- an aquatic team event with "acrobatics, humour, choreography and costumes." Participants are judged on the following criteria -- pride, "out" and having a "flamboyant, outrageous theme." Doesn't figure skating already have all this covered?
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June 19, 2006
The Perils of Political Correctness
By: Rachel Marsden
Seventeen alleged Islamic terrorists were arrested in Canada recently, leaving approximately 50 more terrorist cells to go, according to federal spy agency sources. But even with authorities acknowledging that more arrests are inevitable, there’s one thing that could hinder further takedowns: political correctness.
Since the terror busts, some Canadian journalists have been busy spitballing accusations of ethnic insensitivity at each other from the nation’s editorial pages. Obviously, they’d rather be picking the lint out of each other’s navels than worrying about the folks who want to kill us.
Meanwhile, the political climate here is so charged that politicians, editors and police are treading on eggshells, afraid that the wrong words could be enough to send some Islamofascists on a bender—as though they actually need an excuse.
After every set of arrests, Toronto’s police chief shouldn’t have to publicly cozy up to Muslims in a joint press conference, while passages from the Koran are chanted on national television. If the average Canadian channel surfing for Seinfeld reruns had a hankering for the Koran’s greatest hits, then Al-Jazeera would already be widely available on cable TV.
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June 06, 2006
Selling Out Your Principles
By: Rachel Marsden
Former U.S. President Ronald Reagan once said that "politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, you coast for awhile, you have a hell of a closing."
Barely into his opening act, Prime Minister Stephen Harper is Elvis before the fried sandwich overload, Michael Jackson before little boys and the Brady Bunch before puberty.
When U.S. anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan dropped by to lecture Canadians on the importance of offering safe harbour to U.S. military deserters, the Harper administration rightfully told her to shove off.
When the far-left protests that Canadian border agents are reportedly dragging illegal refugees out of subways and shopping centres and drop-kicking them back to their homeland, it's a sign that the Canadian government is finally on the right track.
What do U.S. President George W. Bush and his administration think of illegal immigration?
They're comparing it to a freaking speeding ticket.
Public support for the Iraq war is about where it was when Bush was re-elected in November 2004, yet his personal popularity has plummeted since February.
That also happens to be when Bush came up with the idea of handing over control of several U.S. ports to an Arab country, while in the middle of a war with Arab terrorists -- a brain-dropping wildly applauded by far-left former presidential wingding, Jimmy Carter.
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May 19, 2006
Thug Culture Doesn't Have A Colour
By: Rachel Marsden
Last week, my column supporting the death penalty in open-and-shut cases of serious violent crime flushed out some charter members of the Waiting to be Offended Club.
I made no reference to the race of the two teen suspects charged with trafficking drugs and murdering Windsor Police Constable John Atkinson (they're white, by the way). But leave it to liberals to advance the racist argument that gangsta thug culture can only be associated with blacks, even though the most famous rapper in the world is a white guy named Marshall Bruce Mathers III, who lives just across the bridge from Windsor. Outside of court, he's known as Eminem.
One budding gang-banger wrote: "It seems you hate black people and the black culture." He then proceeded to call me a "white ho."
Another beacon of inclusiveness accused me of being a "racist b----," then called me a "cracker" in the next sentence.
Consider this artistic contribution by a high-profile member of the homey community:
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February 24, 2006
A Right-Wing Insecurity Complex
By: Rachel Marsden
Conservatives on both sides of the border are suddenly having massive brain cramps on national security issues.
George W. Bush's move to allow a state-run company from the United Arab Emirates to operate six major American ports has achieved the impossible: Some lefties opposed to the proposal have finally caught up with common sense and come out in favour of Middle Eastern profiling, and the issue of port security is now on the front burner for the first time. Damn, that Karl Rove is a mad genius!
What's the point of playing a stellar offensive game over in the Middle East when your own end zone is wide open? This is World War III, people -- wake up! Would Reagan have put the Russian government in charge of U.S. interests during the Cold War?
Bush argues that the UAE is a trusted partner in the war on terror, and that America shouldn't discriminate between this Arabic company and the British one currently operating the ports, which the UAE firm took over.
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February 02, 2006
The Real Quagmire in Iraq
By: Rachel Marsden
This week, CNN’s Larry King Live featured a group of people discussing and defending their cause, and their fallen colleagues in Iraq.
One woman credited her two recently injured male cohorts with paving the way for women like herself to do the same job. This, even as a kidnapping video featuring a female colleague was playing in heavy rotation on Al-Jazeera TV.
When King confronted another of these seasoned professionals – one who had spent time in Vietnam -- with the fact that their death toll in Iraq was creeping upward, the pro shrugged it off as part of the job. He called associates who had been involved in the London Blitz and a fatal sniper incident in the Pacific models for his generation.
Yet another high-profile representative of this group called the situation in Iraq a “spiraling security disaster” that “just gets worse and worse,” but argued that their presence is imperative, even at “enormous personal cost to us, our families.”
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January 20, 2006
Lot of Folks Can’t Tell Left From Right
By: Rachel Marsden
If Liberal leader, Paul Martin, ends up shopping around his resume after Monday’s election, it will be mainly because the one thing all Canadians have in common is that we’re fed up with endless Liberal scandal.
But a Harper victory might also indicate that a lot of Canadians have held those “scary conservative values” all along, but just didn’t know it until now. I’m serious.
In fact, a 2002 Compas poll found that over half of Canadians are oblivious to the differences between the political “left” and “right”. Some 18% thought the Canadian Alliance precursor to the Conservative Party was on the left. Another 32% admitted outright to not having a clue.
This campaign has spotlighted some of the tangible differences between the two ideological camps:
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January 03, 2006
Holidays With Svend and Hedy
By: Rachel Marsden
VANCOUVER - While visiting friends and family in the Vancouver area over the holidays, I’ve been checking out the political race in Vancouver Centre between Liberal Hedy “Blazing Crosses” Fry and the NDP’s Svend “Lord of the Ring” Robinson.
Here’s my take on how these political grandes dames measure up:
Responsiveness: While Fry answered all my questions, Robinson has avoided me like the plague, despite my request to “steal a few minutes of his time”.
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December 29, 2005
Canada-bashing: We Encourage It
By: Rachel Marsden
The Canadian media got all jacked up recently over the fact that an American pundit let loose with an anti-Canadian rant on a cable TV show. Not since the president of Hershey's saw that crane-necked alien E.T. with Reese's Pieces in its hand has anyone been so giddy about high-profile brand placement.
Canadians don't get to respond very often to comments made about us by Americans, because more than a decade of Liberal rule has set our once-great country on a depressing descent into irrelevancy.
You know Canadian media are desperate for attention when they offer serious reportage and heartfelt, defensive analysis in response to comments like: "Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice but you don't take him seriously. That's Canada." Or this one: "Canada is essentially a stalker, stalking the United States, right? Canada has little pictures of us in its bedroom, right?" Both gems are from MSNBC's Tucker Carlson.
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December 07, 2005
They Must Be Kidding
By: Rachel Marsden
Is this a federal election campaign or a Sotheby's auction for our votes? While it's great that the parties are actually fighting over tax cuts for once, do they also have to blatantly treat this country like it's a giant food bank line and we're all just in line for the goodies?
Stephen Harper's promise to cut the GST by 1% (2% in five years) is a great start -- I don't care what economists say. Yes, I realize that income tax cuts would far more useful, but when you've been starving, you're not going to hold out for caviar. Besides, the GST cut makes for way better election-time PR: Most people don't understand income taxes -- as evidenced by the fact that accounting firms have really nice lobbies.
But if Harper truly wanted to differentiate himself from the tax-and-spend Liberals, he would have vowed to scrap the GST entirely while promising to cut government spending. As former U.S. president Ronald Reagan said, government is the problem.
Instead, after that great tax-cutting manoeuvre, Harper spun around and did something disastrously Liberalesque. He vowed to increase spending by another $2.5 billion annually through annual cash gifts of $1,200 to every child under the age of six.
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December 02, 2005
Why I'm Not Running
By: Rachel Marsden
Last week, I received an e-mail that made me wonder if I was being "Punk'd".
"I am wondering if you might consider becoming a candidate in Toronto Danforth for us," wrote Conservative Party organizer, Georganne Burke. "It would be a fun, high-profile campaign, with Jack Layton and Deborah Coyne as your opponents."
Hanging out with federal NDP leader Jack Layton and former prime minister Pierre Trudeau's "baby mama" for a couple of months sounds more like a bad reality TV show than a serious political opportunity. The experience would have been like a one-night stand: A quick, dirty, wild romp, zero satisfaction, and a really bad hangover.
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September 26, 2005
What Conservatives Need to Learn
By: Rachel Marsden
Another week, another high-profile conservative meltdown over party leadership. This week’s came courtesy of Carol Jamieson—Vice Chair of the Conservative Party’s GTA Presidents Council. In an open letter to fellow conservatives headlined on Bourque Newswatch, Jamieson whacked Stephen Harper around like a bloated piñata on the summer yard party circuit, ultimately calling for him to step down.
Jamieson has the right idea about Harper. It’s the same idea I’ve had for years. A guy who can’t even dress himself properly probably shouldn’t be running a country. But until Canadian conservatives get their act together, Harper is exactly what they deserve. And it’s not like there’s a whole lot of talent riding the pine in that party, either. At least none that hasn’t already been thoroughly discredited by conservatives themselves.
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July 20, 2005
Pardon My Intolerance
By: Rachel Marsden
Islam is a religion of peace. Right—and Paris Hilton is a virgin. But “moderate” Muslims—an oxymoron if ever there was one—would have us trying to reconcile the completely irreconcilable.
After last week’s civilian bombings by Islamists in London, England, I was walking through Toronto’s Dundas Square when a man handed me a booklet entitled “Islam: Does it Make Sense?” Complete with subheadings like “the religion of balance and moderation”, “the religion of human equality”, “the most tolerant and inclusive religion”, and “the liberating religion”, it makes for a nice spun-out version of Islam for kids, lefties, or anyone with an uncontrollable drooling problem.
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April 08, 2005
Attack of the Gangliacons
By: Rachel Marsden
Ganglion:
1. Anatomy. A group of nerve cells forming a nerve center, especially one located outside the brain or spinal cord.
2. A center of power, activity, or energy.
3. Pathology. A benign cystic lesion resembling a tumor, occurring in a tendon sheath or joint capsule.
I have a new name for the members of the extreme-right who have been bombarding me with hate mail as a result of my Schiavo column: Gangliacons. All nerve, no brain.
These are the folks who went so far off the deep end in the Schiavo case that they came up on the other side of the ideological pool and found themselves splashing around next to Jessuh “uh-uh” Jackson. Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly called it a sign of the Apocalypse; I call it a reality check on both one’s sanity and level of employment. Here I thought that conservatives, unlike trust fund liberals, had jobs to go to during the day.
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April 01, 2005
Overkilling Schiavo
By: Rachel Marsden
TV psychic guy, John Edward, said on ABC’s “The View” the other day that Terri Schiavo “knows about everything that’s going on around her.” I’m venturing to guess that her next line was probably, “And you’re all total fricking idiots!”
The private dispute between members of the Schiavo family over the life of their severely brain-damaged daughter/wife, Terri, should never have become the media circus that it did. Someone should have hired Michael Schiavo’s anti-food tube lawyer to shut down all the greasy spoons within a 20 mile radius that were fuelling the reflex-driven, brain-dead reporters covering the case.
No one comes out of this looking good. Not President Bush, not the Democrats or the Republicans, not Schiavo’s family, and certainly not the hyperventilating media hacks whose own plugs I’d really like to pull.
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March 16, 2005
The “Junkification” of Canada by the Left
By: Rachel Marsden
While I was a university student, I worked as a certified aerobics instructor and personal trainer. My fitness classes quickly became known as the toughest around, but they were also known for producing great results. If someone was having difficulty keeping up -- as many often did -- I would introduce modifications to help that person stay with the program until they became more fit. But there were no shortcuts, and no substitutes for hard work and sweat.
But imagine if the following scenario would have taken place instead: An obese woman comes through the door of the gym. She tells me that she has failed at every fitness and diet program that she has ever tried. Instead of starting her on a difficult journey to wellness, I say, “Judging by your past diet failures and the fact that your butt appears to have its own zip code, you’re clearly beyond hope. All that’s left for you is to turn on that cheeseburger faucet full-throttle! Come in here three times a day and we’ll ply you with free Big Macs, courtesy of the government. We call it the ‘Mickey D Maintenance Program’. It’s the only real option left for someone as far gone as you.”
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March 02, 2005
Missile Defense: Not Just About Shooting Stuff
By: Rachel Marsden
Ever since Prime Minister Paul Martin announced Canada’s pullout from Ballistic Missile Defense program, Canadians have been on the lookout for a significant reaction from south of the border. It’s as if President Bush is expected to respond like a Spiderman cartoon villain whose plans for world domination have just been foiled, shaking his fist in the air and screaming, “I’ll get you Paulie Canuckistan!”
Don’t expect this kind of low budget cheese from the USA. Instead, get ready for the Mother of All Snubs: a case of passive-aggression well beyond the help of even Dr. Phil. A blockbuster snub so incredibly huge that if it were to star in “Snub: The Movie”, it would have J.Lo’s makeup and hair people, Paris Hilton’s deluxe Airstream trailer, and Steven Spielberg as its director.
US Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, initially “rescheduled” her Canadian visit next month to sometime around the 12th of never. Translation, Paulie: She just ain't that into you.
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February 16, 2005
The Dangers of Limiting Free Speech
By: Rachel Marsden
Comedian and upcoming Academy Awards show host, Chris Rock, has been under fire this week as a result of an item on the Drudge Report quoting him as saying that straight black men don’t watch the Oscars, and that “awards for art are f****** idiotic”. The report goes on to state that other unpublicized statements made by Rock in his comedy act “threaten to throw the broadcast into complete chaos.”
Let’s get real. Hollywood is the modern-day equivalent of London’s Bedlam Hospital from the 1700s--the insane asylum where the upper-class folks would fork over a penny for admission to watch all the certified lunatics bounce like pinballs off the walls of their rubber rooms. The only difference is that Hollywood, unlike Bedlam, has its own publication -- the National Enquirer -- which now allows for the idiocy of drunken starlets with their skirts falling up over their heads to be enjoyed by audiences worldwide.
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