February 15, 2007
Jonathan Livingston Obama
Printer FriendlyBy: Ann Coulter
I've caught Obama fever! Obamamania, Obamarama, Obama, Obama, Obama. (I just pray to God this is clean, renewable electricity I'm feeling.)
Only white guilt could explain the insanely hyperbolic descriptions of Obama's "eloquence." His speeches are a run-on string of embarrassing, sophomoric Hallmark bromides.
In announcing his candidacy last week, Obama confirmed that he believes in "the basic decency of the American people." And let the chips fall where they may!
Obama forthrightly decried "a smallness of our politics" — deftly slipping a sword into the sides of the smallness-in-politics advocates. (To his credit, he somehow avoided saying, "My fellow Americans, size does matter.")
He took a strong stand against the anti-hope crowd, saying: "There are those who don't believe in talking about hope." Take that, Hillary!
Most weirdly, he said: "I recognize there is a certain presumptuousness in this — a certain audacity — to this announcement."
What is so audacious about announcing that you're running for president? Any idiot can run for president. Dennis Kucinich is running for president. Until he was imprisoned, Lyndon LaRouche used to run for president constantly. John Kerry ran for president. Today, all you have to do is suggest a date by which U.S. forces in Iraq should surrender, and you're officially a Democratic candidate for president.
Obama made his announcement surrounded by hundreds of adoring Democratic voters. And those were just the reporters. There were about 400 more reporters at Obama's announcement than Mitt Romney's, who, by the way, is more likely to be sworn in as our next president than B. Hussein Obama.
Obama has locked up the Hollywood money. Even Miss America has endorsed Obama. (John "Two Americas" Edwards is still hoping for the other Miss America to endorse him.)
But Obama tells us he's brave for announcing that he's running for president. And if life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
I don't want to say that Obama didn't say anything in his announcement, but afterward, even Jesse Jackson was asking, "What did he say?" There was one refreshing aspect to Obama's announcement: It was nice to see a man call a press conference this week to announce something other than he was the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.
B. Hussein Obama's announcement also included this gem: "I know that I haven't spent a lot of time learning the ways of Washington. But I've been there long enough to know that the ways of Washington must change." As long as Obama insists on using Hallmark card greetings in his speeches, he could at least get Jesse Jackson to help him with the rhyming.
If Obama's biggest asset is his inexperience, then if by the slightest chance he were elected and were to run for a second term, he will have to claim he didn't learn anything the first four years.
There was also this inspirational nugget: "Each and every time, a new generation has risen up and done what's needed to be done. Today we are called once more, and it is time for our generation to answer that call." Is this guy running for president or trying to get people to switch to a new long-distance provider?
He said that "we learned to disagree without being disagreeable." (There goes Howard Dean's endorsement.) This was an improvement on the first draft, which read, "It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice."
This guy's like the ANWR of trite political aphorisms. There's no telling exactly how many he's sitting on, but it could be in the billions.
Obama's famed eloquence reminds me of a book of platitudes I read about once called "Life Lessons." The book contained such inspiring thoughts as:
"When was the last time you really looked at the sea? Or smelled the morning? Touched a baby's hair? Really tasted and enjoyed food? Walked barefoot in the grass? Looked in the blue sky?" (When was the last time you fantasized about dismembering the authors of a book of platitudes?)
I can't wait for Obama's inaugural address when he reveals that he loves long walks in the rain, sunsets, and fresh-baked cookies shaped like puppies.
The guy I feel sorry for is Harold Ford. The former representative from Tennessee is also black, a Democrat, about the same age as Obama, and is every bit as attractive. The difference is, when he talks, you don't fantasize about plunging knitting needles into your ears to stop the gusher of meaningless platitudes.
Ford ran as a Democrat in Republican Tennessee and almost won — and the press didn't knock out his opponent for him by unsealing sealed divorce records, as it did for B. Hussein Obama. Yet no one ever talks about Ford as the second coming of Cary Grant and Albert Einstein.
Maybe liberals aren't secret racists expunging vast stores of white guilt by hyperventilating over B. Hussein Obama. Maybe they're just running out of greeting card inscriptions.
Posted by redguy at February 15, 2007 07:07 AM
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Comments
Dear Miss Ann, My television quit working when I threw a brick at it twenty-eight years ago. This is my way of saying that I'm no longer exposed to looking at liberals and hearing their perversions of reality.
I enjoy the way you spew liberals from your mouth. Retch might be a more appropriate word.
Your young. You have a stronger stomach than me.
Someone once said, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intellegence of the American Public. I love them, but would not put it beyond them to vote for someone who tickles their ears. Fly High the Apidistra!
Posted by: taxigringo
at February 15, 2007 07:56 AM
Ha!
The line about John Edwards and the two Miss America's....hilarious.
ps-give up on Mitt. ain't gonna happen.
Posted by: kevind
at February 15, 2007 08:45 AM
All along I thought it was I!
I thought I was coming down with some sort of localized ADD, for every time I listened to Bananafanna Obamarama I thought I blanked out when he got to his point.
I guess the point with him is that he has no point. Perhaps that is part of the matching set of no clue and no chance! What a troika!
Yet, some of the Libs with whom I have discourse are not disabusing themselves of the rhetoric of the part-time Muslim (Meow!) pretender to the Big Chair. They gainsay all that you have said, Ann, stating that he has a vision (artifact of his past drug use?), that he is the right man for the right time, that he is the white Bill Clinton!
For gosh sakes, perhaps if someone put a translation of his speeches in the crawl when he is televised perhaps the surfeit of “?????????’s” might, just might, give his supporters a clue to the vacuousness of his “platform.”
God Bless and God Speed
John
Posted by: Jaksavin
at February 15, 2007 09:26 AM
Wonderfully funny column and dead-on accurate, Ann!
Everyone is fawning over Barack Hussein Obama like he is the greatest thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread. This clown is exactly that – a clown.
How anyone can take him seriously as a presidential candidate is beyond me. What is his idea for the Middle East? Get the leaders together and suggest they “take a walk in the desert” to clear their minds?
The phrases that emanate from this mans mouth amount to nothing more than scripted platitudes and euphemisms that aren’t even original; everyone thinks they know what is meant by them – but just ask – I bet you’ll get a different answer each time.
I once worked for a project leader that came up with this little “gem” during a project status meeting when upper management asked if we were going to meet the project deadline: “When the rubber meets the road we’re going to bite the bullet and cut out the shell game.” Huh? And worse, management accepted this as an answer.
This is Barack Hussein Obama. He says nothing specific and definitely nothing divisive. No one knows where he stands on anything except his ears. But, I’ll bet he’s “for the children”, although I don’t know of anyone that isn’t.
Posted by: LynnJG
at February 15, 2007 09:34 AM
Taxigringo:
A most excellent reference to one of Orwell’s early works. As in the book, the solution to money-world was no solution, the point of Baramamamamamama is no point at all!
(Keep the Aspidistra Flying indeed! But after Comstock’s splurging of his payment for his poem, his actions are more befitting a Kennedy than the Very Junior Senator from the Land of Lincoln.)
God Bless and God Speed
John
Posted by: Jaksavin
at February 15, 2007 09:38 AM
Dearest Ann,
Considering that a great majority of Americans were educated in 'public schools', I'm not surprised about their inability to recognize Hussein Obama as just another deceitful greedy politician.
Hussein Obama reminds me of the day after overindulging at a Mexican buffet; ya' just want to press the lever and get away!
Posted by: KevinnL
at February 15, 2007 09:46 AM
p.s., I can't wait until "Shrillary" unleashes her attack machine to take out Barack Hussein Obama.
This is either going to be the dullest Democratic primary if these two DO NOT go after each other, or, it could be the wildest if the claws come out. We'll just have to wait and see!
Posted by: LynnJG
at February 15, 2007 01:21 PM
I've been in lovewith Ann since before she was born! Tim
Posted by: Tim
at February 15, 2007 02:33 PM
Lynn:
It has already started! Her Thighness has started an investigation into Barack’s life history (the madrasa allegation? Courtesty of HRC!) One can expect each to have their operatives at the other’s rallies asking the ‘tough questions.’ The sad thing is that after they rip apart each other, and anyone else who dares to challenge them, the hearts and flowers will come out, pledging undying fealty to the other. Claws? Nay, the heavy artillery shall be unleashed! It is the Clinton’s stock in trade!
But, wait until the Republican’s make their nomination for the true fireworks to begin. I would like to take a shot at the Big Chair if for no other reason than to go toe-to-toe with whomever the Dem’s saddle up. If this be war, let’s make the best of it!
God Bless and God Speed
John
Posted by: Jaksavin
at February 15, 2007 04:16 PM
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